Why I Think The Bucket Filling Philosophy Is Taught Wrong
75As a 7 time award winner, Carol McCloud's book, "Have You Filled A Bucket Today: A guide to Daily Happiness for Kids," does contain some excellent truths and life lessons that will help raising our children become considerate maybe even compassionate children. I will even say the concept behind it is excellent: with words we can build people up and with words we can tear people down. This is an excellent lesson, but my problem is to the level of importance in teaching the schools and organizations take this lesson. They teach this book as if it were a complete truth and guide to bring children happiness. This book only tells half the story, and a child needs to understand happiness comes from within, not from outward events. It claims, even in its title, to teach children about how to be happy and the importance of other people in our own happiness. The focus in this teaching is wrong.
Children Need To Understand That Others Can't Make Us Happy
There is too much focus on how others affect our happiness. I do believe we need to teach our children that their actions and words affect others. Words can make someone sad or happy, temporarily anyway. One line that disturbs me is the line that states, "You need people to fill your bucket and other people need you to fill theirs." Honestly, I am okay with the second half that sentence. We do need to fill others buckets so to speak, and I realliy like the line, "when you fill someone's bucket, you fill your own bucket too." That is so true! Awesome teaching, but that is a mere sentence from the book that teaches more about how we can find happiness through what others say or do to us.
Children Need To Learn Their True Value
Children need to realize that their value is more than what others say or think of them. They also need to learn that its okay to b sad when people say or do mean things, but those actions do not define who they are. People who tear us down should be avoided and we should seek the friendship of those who build ourselves up. The opinion of others who choose to "dip in our buckets" are not as valuable as those who "fill our buckets." These truths are not taught in the book.
Schools Need To Stop Following The Fads, and Teach A Multitude of Lessons
My strong feelings towards the book, actually would not exist if it were only the book, but many schools are beginning to teach this book as if it were a guide to happiness in the classroom. Children take things at face value and do not understand this goes much deeper. I hear kids shouting, "you dipped in my bucket." The girl I nanny for came home sad,.and when I asked her why, she said, "because someone dipped in my bucket." After I got out of her what had happened, I then said, "does it matter what he says, you know it's not true." She wanted to argue with me about he caused her to feel sad because he dipped in her bucket. After having this ingrained in their heads at school, it's much harder for them to accept responsibility for their own happiness.
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Schools need to be careful not relying too heavily on one method of teaching self-esteem. There will be no one tool, nor one philosophy that ever truly covers self-esteem. That is why it's important that schools use many different books, many different philosophies, and talk to the children beyond the contents within these books.
That being said, if I'm completely honest with you. I would not be opposed to owning this book and reading it to my child. I would definitely explain how we need to have compassion on others and be considerate towards others, because our actions will affect how they feel. But and this is a big BUT, I would also talk about how although it might hurt our feelings when people say or do mean things to us, those people don't count. Our value goes much deeper than what others think of us. It's okay to cry over those things, and talk to others if you need to. But we are valuable. I would also focus a lot on, filling others buckets will bring us joy as well, since that was the one line in the book, I truly did appreciate.
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The funny thing is I am a touchy feely type person, yet this is way too much for me. I'd rather them be direct, "You hurt my feelings." not, "You dipped in my bucket." I get so tired of the psycho babble as well. There are others, but this is one of my least favorite!
I think all your comments are well said. I prefer to think that teachers use the book and take your comments to heart while teaching. Reading the book and interjecting your comments during that particular moment is the way to use it effectively. I am a huge propent of using literature in the classroom, however, no book is perfect in its whole. A gifted teacher will see the holes in a book and use those to facilitate good conversation with their students. I will use this book, but I will stop and interject at the opportune times to discuss the points you have shared.
I am excited to use this book in my Kindergarten classroom this year - our focus in using it will be another way to help us work on doing nice things for others :) For a kindergartener that is focused on me, me , me - this is a very hard concept. I love the idea of a book that can help them begin to grasp the idea that they can help other people smile & feel good by doing nice things! We also learn to ignore people that do unkind things (as long as we are not really hurt) and maybe soon they will realize that it is no fun having no one to play with... A good teacher does not use a book or manual as the "gospel word" in his/her classroom. They realize that all children are different and teach to the child not the book ;)
VeroP, you are right, a gifted teacher will do that. But I think sometimes teachers, especially newer teachers will get really excited about an idea and overexpress it.
You are right Amy, a good teacher wouldn't do that. But okay teachers, sometimes forget. I know some great people who are teachers who have taught this book, but have emphasized it in an unhealthy fashion which actually ended up causing this book to do the opposite of its aim.
I have enjoyed reading this article and resulting comments. Ms. McCloud's book was based on her work with my father, Merrill Lundgren, The Bucket Man. Donald Clifton first coined the bucket and dipper metaphor in the mid-sixties as a business concept. Dad was the first to adapt this philosophy into a school program. I agree with the comments that emotional education needs balance, and nothing should be treated as an absolute truth above all else. However, I believe the author of the article has misinterpreted the bucket filling concept to some degree. Maybe it's because the opinion was based on reading a picture book, rather than a complete understanding of the concept. What we teach at Bucketfillers For Life, is that YOU are in charge of your happiness, no one else. We encourage the students to show kindness toward others, express love toward others, and by doing so will fill the buckets of others. When you fill the bucket of another person, your own bucket also is filled. This is the reality of the concept. In no way do we teach the children that others make them happy. We teach the exact opposite! I would encourage all of you to read a new book called "True Bucketfilling Stories: Legacies of Love." It is available at http://www.heartspeakproducts.com. I believe it will shed some light on the true meaning of bucket filling.
Peter Lundgren, I would actually say I am not against the bucket filling philosophy as you say it states, but from the understanding of how the teachers in our school district are teaching kids it is very much misguided. They have twisted it so that way the kids blame other kids for dipping in their bucket. It's not uncommon for kids to go, "You dipped in my bucket!" It makes me kind of angry when I hear that. Maybe I should revise this article, after reading the larger philosophy, about how teachers are twisting the true philosophy. I will definitely look into the book you suggested!
I just discovered these comments, and I appreciate the feeling behind them. And in some respects, you are right if the way we taught the bucket filling concept was as one-sided as you have understood it. It is not. Using the metaphor is an effective way of teaching children about feelings. We emphasize in our assembly and workshops that filling another person's bucket--being kind, caring and respectful, is the best way to keep your own bucket full. Happiness is not about accumulating money and things. It is not up to others to make us happy, which is impossible, anyway. It is up to US. The best way for any of us to achieve true happiness is to treat others with caring and compassion, to be non-judgmental. This is what we teach. Happiness is an INDEPENDENT accomplishment, not a CO-DEPENDENT one. I hope you enjoy "True Bucketfilling Stories: Legacies of Love". I believe the true stories will touch your heart. And please, read it with a child (age 8 and older) you love, and by using the discussion questions at the end of each short story, you will learn more about that child than you thought you knew.
After learning more about the bucket filling philosophy I am considering taking this down and revising it! But schools are twisting it's meaning.
I thought this story was a little deep for younger kids. It was read during the children's sermon at church and I'm sure the adults got a lot more out of it than the kids. There is some good discussion here.
I think that's part of it, is that it is too deep for kids to fully understand. The kids I have encountered get the wrong idea about what is going on in the text, and take it to a level that is not quite appropriate or healthy. Maybe it's the way teachers are teaching it or the way it is presented. I'm not sure. The philosophy itself sounds good, but it's not quite translated well to children yet.
I read this story to my brand new kindergarteners on the first day of school. At first, I really thought this story went over their heads. I even had a little girl say, "I filled my bucket with sand." As cute as that was, I was worried they did not get it. But that same little girl, about an hour earlier shared with the whole class, "Rey filled my bucket. He got me a tissue and I didn't even ask him to." They did get it! We talk about Bucket Filling on a daily basis and we are learning that being kind, compassionate, respectful, and considerate to others makes us feel happy. We do not depend on others to make us happy, we are finding happiness within ourselves. The bucket filling philosophy has helped me to be a more intentional person. I feel I am trying harder to be more thoughtful, compassionate, kinder, and considerate... not only to people I know, but to complete strangers. It has truly changed my life and my family's life. Many of my parents have thanked me for teaching their children about bucket filling and they've shared with me that they now use this philosophy at home. I do believe you need to continue to talk about it, share bucket filling stories, and soon the children will learn it is an intrinsic motivation to fill people's buckets. You do it because you want to, not because you are getting something from doing it.
That is really neat. Unfortunately, that is not my experience with it from having the kids I care for come home with. Maybe it's not taught with the right perspective or something, but the kids I babysit, come home with a very skewed idea of bucket filling, and are having trouble taking responsibility for theirown happiness, and talk about how others dip in their buckets. When they feel disappointed, because someone got to go first at the drinking fountain and they didn't get to. The person first in line dipped in their bucket. Maybe there is a way to teach this philosophy well, but there are still serious errors in some of those who choose to teach this philosophy.
thanks for the EXCELLENT observation -- I appreciate your insight that we should not rely on others to fill our own bucket and the best is to feel good about ourselves. -- I just heard about this story today so am checking into if/what I want to do with it as a counselor.
Your welcome. :) I think if it is used effectively, then it could be a great tool. But too many teachers twist the meaning, or do not explain this well enough to children. From what I know of the writer's intentions and the philosophy behind it, this is a really good book to teach. It just needs to be guided with wisdom from the write teachers or in your case counselor.
This is all very similar to "Love Languages"...which is a fantastic concept. In the book, they talk about having a "love tank" and whether it's full or empty, we have feelings about that, one way or another. I love this idea for kids, and I think it teaches them some very valuable things they can take with them in to adulthood...I currently teach my kids this at home, after my son learned it in his Kindergarten class last year.
What are some ways that you teach it at home?
We have paper buckets up on the wall, and when we see the kids (we have 3) fill someone's bucket, they get a star in their bucket...after a certain amount of stars, they get a special prize. This especially works with our 6 year old who still doesn't understand how to take responsibility for hurting someone's feelings, or how the other person might feel if he says or does something hurtful (empathy). He got used to this idea last year in Kindergarten. This encourages the kids to fill someone's bucket rather than take away from their bucket. And we also read a few of the "Bucket" books for kids several times a week. Children have such a hard time learning empathy...this just gives them a good idea of what it looks like. Reminders throughout the day of "are you filling his/her bucket, or are oyu taking away from it?" gives them something to really think about. I love this concept!
See, how you describe how you deal with it, is great! But my experiene is that teachers focus too much on the dipping in the bucket and how others make us feel bad. As if others are responsible for the way we feel. A little girl that I babysat would always come up to me and say, "This person dipped in my bucket." or she would yell at one of her siblings, "Stop dipping in my bucket." Somewhere at school, she was getting the wrong message, and she would even talk about how other deplete her bucket and thats why she feels bad. You are focusing on the positive, you are also showing how they are filling their bucket when they do kind things for others, showing them they help themselves by helping others. That is a great way to show them the philosophy in a positive healthy way.
Interesting take on the bucket book. I followed you from cardelean's hub about filling a bucket; a book I had not been aware of since I have a teen boy now. In my neck of the woods there is no 'teaching' tool that incorporates this philosophy. It is just plain common sense as a teacher, a parent, or anyone, that we want the best for our children and teaching them respect and consideration for others is part of preparing them for the world.
As you have so lovely stated in your hub, happiness comes from within and that is the deeper lesson that we teach and emulate for our children. It sounds like you are right on, mom.
Thank you for such a sweet compliment.
The most important thing for us, as adults, to teach children is to care about other people's feelings. They cannot do that unless they understand their own. The bucketfilling metaphor is a great visual for young children to get a grasp on their own fluctuating feelings and to understand that our treatment of others has an effect on those around us and on us. What is so lacking in today's society in EMPATHY, and this is what contributes to the increase in bullying. Bucketfilling--at least the way we teach it--is about empathy, not co-dependent suckiness. Please read the book for older children (8 and above) and adults, TRUE BUCKETFILLING STORIES: LEGACIES OF LOVE. It is a compilation of ten true stories of ordinary people who chose to be kind, compassionate, caring, forgiving, etc. and the positive things that happened because of their choices. This, I truly believe, is the real message of "bucket filling". Thanks for the opportunity to contribute to this discussion. :)
I am not saying I disagree with the bucket filling philosophy, I'm saying teachers are doing a very poor job of teaching it.
My second grade daughter came home yesterday and was in tears at night because she said her bucket will never be full. I hadn't received any information on this bucket philosphy now being taught and have just now educated myself. Whether or not they are trying to convey the right message, I know what my daughter is interpreting and that is what matters. She believes if her bucket is not full, she cannot be happy. I am going to have to work at un-doing what is being taught. I'm fairly outraged at this concept and was so pleased to find this post which says it all much better than I could have. Thank you. I'm just not sure yet what to do about it; but I plan to be proactive so my daughter realizes her happiness does not rely on what others do for her or do not do for her. This concept is way too deep for a 7 year old to take any other way but at literally and at face value.
I agree with you whole heartedly. You'll have to let me know what you decide to do!
I think you all are taking this way to seriously. The book was simply written to help children grasp the concepts of being respectful...caring...and empathetic. It is obviously not being taught universally in our country and like many other things is falling upon the schools to do....everyone needs to relax.
Your probably right about taking it too seriously. When I wrote this two years ago, I was having a hard time with the kids taking this concept and twisting it due to the way the kids were being taught in their school. It was really difficult.
I'm curious as to how many teachers classes did you actually go into and review? What lessons were being taught in regards to this concept that made the children in various classes from this one school or few schools in your area feel or behave in the way you described in your article? This concept is different but very similar to "placing your name on the board, use your words-I messages, and countless others."
I agree with Joe. This is being taken too seriously. We've all taught our children the same concept just in a different way. For example, we might tell our children that when someone bullies them without provocation it's because they don't feel very good about themselves in some way. Or we teach them that it makes us feel good when we do good for others. This book is just a way that helps our children relate to those ideas in a more concrete way. Actually, very young children do get the message. I also don't think it teaches our children to rely on others for their happiness. Maybe some people don't believe in teaching their children that feeling good about themselves is directly tied to doing good for others; knowing that they play a valuable role in humanity by being a positive force in the world.
tom hellert Level 7 Commenter 20 months ago
Dipping in my Bucket- what the "heck" are the schools doing now-you are da-rn right when people pick on my kid who can debate his 5th grade teacher and win he gets made fun of- but many of the kids like the debates because it keeps the teacher off their backs. But he does get static and I have told him don't start it just finish it... I don't indicate "Don't step in lor take water from their bucket".... All this psyco-babble mumbojumbo bucket talk would drive me nuts if either of my boys came home talking that way-I was a teacher for a little while and all the touchy feely excuse making for trouble makers made me sick nothing could ever be critisized or using red ink was demeaning or made people feel bad- FOLKS UNLESS YOU ARE PUNISHED OR FEEL BAD YOU HAVE NO REASON TO CHANGE-PLAIN and SIMPLE. or so I say....