Why I Believe In Jesus Christ: My Walk With God

Truth is I always believed in God, Jesus was another story. I can't remember a time when I did not have a spiritual need. I grew up in a home where church was not the focus, and though I knew who Jesus was, he was comparable to Joan of Arc or Santa Clause; half myth, half hero. But if you would have asked me then, a hero of what, I don't know if I could have told you.

It wasn't until I was in seventh grade when my Aunt Kathy brought me to these crazy-hands-in-the-air churches that I actually found out who Jesus truly was. I can't say I immediately grasped onto belief of Him in entirety, but I really liked the idea of a Savior. He seemed like a really good symbol of forgiveness and love. Although, I had doubt, I am not completely sure if I believed that He died, and rose again. Although in some sense, I felt it made sense that Jesus came to Earth so that way the Jews would no longer have to give sacrifices to atone for their sins, but to rise again? Don't get me wrong, there was definitely a part of me that hoped it was true, but there was way too much doubt to truly say, "I believe in Jesus Christ as my personal Savior." Ironically, if you would have asked me, I would have said that I did.

Doubting Jesus

For me I had struggled so much with doubt. Growing up I was told such lies as Satan did not exist, Hell meant mowing endless yards for days on end, and as long as you believed in a god, you were going to Heaven. But my biggest struggle was to believe that Jesus was more than a story.

My aunt continued to take me to the “loud” churches, but she also would have me spend the night. We would talk late into the night about God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. She was the first person who actually had answers for me. I began to see Jesus Christ in a light I hadn’t seen Him before: as a Savior. She had answers for my endless questions, and was honest when she plain didn't know. She had books that she lent me. There were other people who brought me to different churches. I found some I hated, mostly Baptist ones I hated, which is ironic, because it is a Baptist church where I finally ended up. I think it goes to show that all churches regardless of names are completely different.

I began searching and I wanted to belong and believe in something so badly. Truth is, I didn't belong at school. I didn't have many friends, but church was somewhere where I could belong even if those around me rejected me. Soon, I started making Christian friends, and I tried to assimilate into Christian beliefs. It sounded so great. I had a hunger. But I was constantly plagued with doubt. I prayed “the prayer” at least fifty times throughout the next five years. Reflectively, I think my prayers were more, “what if Jesus Christ is my Savior,” rather than “Jesus Christ is my Savior.”

My Search For Religion

It was not my search that led me to Christ, but my search is what gave me insight and later understanding. I started studying many religions and realized that I basically had a problem with every religion that exists. My problems with each religion were huge! Although I felt that Judaism and Christianity made the most sense. I liked their God, as opposed to the gods of other religions. 

I truly felt we needed to have forgiveness for our sins, which made Judaism not as credible to me. The reason for this is because the Old Testament requires you to give sacrifice for your sin. They no longer do that ever since the Temple was destroyed. So now, they believe in a religion that they have no way to atone for their sins. Christianity made more intellectual sense, in that it has a sacrifice through Jesus, but I had problems with that, because it seemed so unrealistic. Although I definitely noticed the timing of when the Temple was destroyed, with the beginning of Christianity, which pointed to a divine providence. 

The Prophecies in the Old Testament

I had stopped my search for religion, and began reading books like Lee Strobel's Case for Christ among many others. And I began developing a head belief in Christ, but the heart was much slower. I began to see that the old Testament prophesied Jesus coming, and the truth became undeniable from an intellectual standpoint.

First of all Micah 5:2 states that

But you, O Bethlehem Ephrathah, are only a small village among all the people of Judah. Yet a ruler of Israel will come from you, one whose origins are from the distant past,

which shows how God's plan was to have the "ruler of Israel," the man who would be King of the Jews, to be born in Bethleham. Therefore, it is more than just a coincidence that Mary and Jesus came to Bethlehem that fateful night.

Although not just Jesus' birth was prophesied, but many parts of his ministry. Parts big and small, like when Zechariah 9:9-10 states,

Rejoice greatly, O people of Zion ! Shout in triumph, O people of Jerusalem! Look your king is coming to you . He is righteous and victorious., yet he is humble ,riding on a donkey- even on a donkey's colt.

This was fulfilled in Luke 19:28-38, when Jesus, our King humbled himself riding on a donkey, rather than the traditional horse. Showing his equality to every man, rich or poor, of high status or low.  

If you read Isaiah 9: 6-7 (written below) you would instantly realize that it is referring to Jesus Christ, although note that Isaiah is an old testament book. 

For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor,Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. His government and its peace will never end. He will rule with fairness and justice from the throne of his ancestor David for all eternity. The passionate commitment of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies will make this happen!

This a definite prophesy of Jesus Christ. Jesus' genealogy even shows his direct line from David.

The people of his time, knew there was some truth in who He was, even those who rejected Him. You can see this, by how much fear they had by Jesus' existence. They wanted him dead, yet he was not a harmful man. They knew that he was changing the world, and this made them uncomfortable. Jesus was a threat to the government, because it proved that there was someone/something more powerful. You must keep in mind, many of these men knew the prophesies and they did not want Jesus taking over their government. They took this passage as completely literal and immediate. Not realizing that there would be a later kingdom.

Cristina327 breaks down many more prophesies in her fascinating article, "Why Do We Believe That Jesus Is The Christ: Old Testament Prophecies Concerning CHRIST."

My Crisis Point

Although all those prophesies led me to believe with my head that Jesus was more than likely our savior, it took me much longer to bring my heart and my mind together. Then in October 2001, I was 20 years old, newly engaged, severely sick, and became very aware of death. I remember sitting in my hospital bed, it was really late at night, and I began crying. I could go on for pages on what happened in my head, in my heart. I prayed, unlike I ever prayed before. I prayed knowing someone was listening, rather than just hoping that God was.

I reflected on all the little signs God had given me to reveal He was there. I reflected on all the things I had done that made me feel ashamed that He had to watch. I knew I needed Jesus, I needed forgiveness.

Up to that point, I had been praying for God to heal me, at that moment I stopped praying that, and just told God, “I accept whatever you have in store for me.” Honestly, I had hit a point where I wanted to get relief from this tremendous pain, even if it meant death. I was okay with that. I truly was. I knew I needed God. I knew I needed to be forgiven. I knew I was a sinner. And I knew that God had to be real, not only that, but Jesus had to be, because I needed atonement for my sins, and there had to be a way to escape Hell's punishment. It was then, all the sudden all of these things I had thought about before, began making sense. They became clear. 

A Moment of Clarity

I don't know how to explain that moment, more than to say that I had a complete moment of clarity. I was like Saul hearing God confront him about his persecutions, except there was no audible voice. Just one moment where I doubted, and the next I understood many things about God and Jesus that I never understood before. The only thing I can believe is that the Holy Spirit entered me at that moment. Now when I have questions, I understand at a level I didn't before. I truly believe it has nothing to do with the amount of studying, analyzing or anything else that I did prior. It has to do with the fact that I surrendered my life to God at that moment and he filled me with his spirit. Do I still have questions? Of course? Do I have doubts? Yes, but they are different? Was I changed? Eternally. 

Now, I realize as a result of my moment of clarity that we can not truly bring anyone to Christ. We can educate them, we can prepare them, but only God can save that person. That doesn't mean we should stop sharing the gospel, it just means, each person will come when they are ready. We should just be prepared to listen, answer, and share. Note, I listed, "listen," first. 

He Had Been Preparing Me For This Moment

Reflecting on my life, I feel that God was preparing me for that moment. My belief until then was a desire. But on that day, I knew I needed Him. It wasn't about me anymore. Me trying to fit into my new friends and a mold of what a Christian should be, it was now about God. God created me, He deserved my love. God has the world's best interest in mind, even if I have no idea why He allows pain and suffering.

I’m not a better person, I don't fail less, it's just I know that there was a moment when something changed and ever since that day it hasn't been about fitting into a group of really neat people, but realizing I don't want to live a day without God's presence. I need Him, and I don't deserve Him. I need someone to clean me, so that when I stand before Him, I won't run in fear and shame. I can't do that on my own, I need a Savior.

The verse that seems to reflect my life most closely is Proverbs 16:9,

A man's mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure.

I seem to have my life planned in my head, but as I walk with God, I find my life leading in places I would never have wanted, but somehow with each huge step I have had to make in my life, those terrible big steps, somehow turn into something good unexpectedly. In fact, I love saying my life is one big accident, but truth is, it's one big happy accident.

If you enjoy hearing others stories as much as I do, you may enjoy hearing my cousins faith statement as well. Also, another fellow hubber also has a beautiful testimony! They each are very beautiful and insightful, and have had a different walk than me. But then I guess we all do then don't we?