Overcoming Infertility: An Adoption Story About Our Decision to Adopt Through Foster Care

Six years ago this month I went off birth control, and my husband and I tried to get pregnant. I had dreams of getting a round belly, sleepless night, and seeing a child who was half me/half my husband, but for me, this just didn't happen. It has been a long road, with ups and downs, disappointment after disappointment. But today, six years later, I can honestly say, I'm not sad in the slightest I never experienced any of that nor probably ever will. We found that our lives were leading to a different option: adoption, and what a wonderful option it is. We have had the opportunity to adopt the most beautiful, sweet, intelligent, wonderful little girl I have ever met. My husband and I have never been more in love than with our adopted little girl.

My journey is not what one might expect, for my life often happens on accident. I spent my first six months, just hoping it would happen, the next year and a half charting and taking numerous pregnancy tests. It was then that a doctor explained to me that if I wanted to have a healthy baby home, I had to remove my fallopian tubes. This was a hard decision to make, because that meant cutting off all possibilities, I might get pregnant on accident. After talking it over with my husband, and getting disapproving remarks from many others, we decided to do it. Thank God we did.

Although this surgery led to an emergency surgery a few days later, it also led to a pain free existence. Up to then, I had constant cramping that I thought was normal. My life improved a hundred fold, but the fact that I was not going to have a baby of my own, was finally beginning to dawn on me.

We knew if we wanted to have a biological baby, we were going to have to do fertility treatments. I had a total of 3 friends offer to be my surrogate mother, because they didn't want to see me get pregnant. They feared my health. I can't believe I have such amazing friends, but I knew I couldn't take them up on the offer. But the fact that so many people were worried about me getting pregnant, it dawned on me, maybe we should pursue other options.

My husband was insistent that he would always wonder what if? We would continue through this line of thinking for a couple of years where something would stop us short of doing it. I began praying that Kevin would open his mind to adoption, but he was still insistent.

A Change of Heart

Finally it was day we were going to start the progress. Everything came back normal, we were all set to do it. I went into the doctors office, got into the gown and had an ultrasound done. The doctor looked at me and said, "We're going to have to put it off three months." The reason is irrelevant, but I was a little down. I didn't tell my husband right away, because he was really busy. When he got home, he asked me how the visit went. I just said, "It was okay, he gave me the prescriptions, but he wants to hold off doing it."

Then out of nowhere he says, "I think we should adopt." I asked him why, and his response was the same as many months before, "I am just wondering what if?" I knew what he meant, he was wondering what if my body didn't fair well. Instead of disappointed, I was ecstatic. I was bouncing off the wall. By the end of the next day, I had called every adoption agency I could find.

That May my cousin had died. He left behind a beautiful little girl. When my husband and I had heard the news, we didn't know what our next step should be. She instantly moved in with her aunt, and though we would have loved to have her live with us, we didn't want to step on toes. So, I had told my extended family that we would be willing if for any reason things didn't work out.

Since everything seemed fine, we started the process of adopting an infant. Although we had looked into in vitro, it wasn't right for us. Months would go by, and it seemed like every time we would get close to sending in the application fee, which was a thousand dollars, we would hear a rumor that Little Miss would need another home. We would decide that we needed to hold off on sending in the application fee until we knew for sure where Little Miss would live.

A few months more passed without hearing anything.

It wasn't until a little over a year later in July that we got the news that she needed a mommy and a daddy.

I don't think there is a word for how I felt. I was filled with so many emotions that I couldn't stay still. I went for a long walk, called a few friends, my in-laws, my parents. I was in shock.

It's funny... looking back things went so easily. I couldn't believe it. She moved in with us two weeks later, and we all attached right away. Now I could not imagine life without her and it seems like she has always been here. We are blessed, truly and utterly blessed

We're now talking about adopting another. Who knows; maybe an infant, maybe older. I hope someday we get to experience the whole babyhood, sleepless nights, but if we don't... I think we will be just fine.

By the way, I would love to hear others adoption stories. They are all so unique. Ours was, as I'm sure yours is too. Feel free to share, In fact, please share, I absolutely love to hear them!

Update: The adoption became final today. The judge gave the most beautiful speech that started, "In my profession, I have learned that family is not about biology, it is about... " Then when onto tell us what he thought family was including love and encouragement. It was beautiful. Then he pronounced us a family! It was amazing.