If Beauty is Skin Deep: Then Why Are People So Shallow?

Today, our society is obsessed with the physical appearance of a person. We often forget to look beyond what they see. I had this really big example of this when my husband went to the gym and a guy told him he would never date a girl whose butt was bigger than his, which I retell in my blog entry. But this guy is not unique, nor is it unique to the male species. Too often we judge a book on its cover, even when the book is our own face.

Teens and adult women will stare at the mirror, see every fault. Then they go buy a billboard, see a magazine, or a person in a movie, but they forget that those people do not wake up like that. They don't even look that way after they've showered and put on a couple minutes of cover-up. Here is a video that shows you what these women go through, and how different just a few tricks can do. I strongly recommend you watch the video.... and show it to your teenage daughters.

My Views On the Whole Beauty Ritual

Okay, I'll admit, I often leave the house without putting make-up and sometimes even my hair. It's not because I'm a naturally beautiful girl, it's because, well I'm lazy and I don't give a care. Most the time I'll put on foundation and cover-up because I've had acne problems all my life. Then on those rare occassions like weddings or funerals, and occassionally I'll even go all out for a shower, usually not though. I have to admit, when I do the whole sha-bang, my friends are like, "Oh you are so pretty."

For five minutes at the last wedding I went to, I said, "You know what, I should probably do this all the time since everyone makes such a big deal out of it." My friend, who happens to be the bride said, "Yeah, but then you'll have a lazy day and people will go, 'Man, you look like sh**!'" So that was the end of that daydream. Because let's face it, I'm too lazy.

How To Be More Beautiful

Now, I could do a whole series on how to apply make-up, because I'm pretty good at it, but that's not really how you become more beautiful. Beauty only matters for the first fifteen minutes you know someone. After that, people start seeing the you inside. If the you inside isn't all that pretty, you're beauty has just gone down in their eyes. On the other hand, if you are an average looking girl like myself, then your personality is what will catch people's eyes.

Number one thing to be beautiful is confidence. I'll admit it, I have my insecurities, but you put me in a social setting and I can fake it. Take this from a girl who was voted shyest in her class, and now people are surprised to hear this about me. Well, some people are. I still have my shy moments, but what I lack in confidence, I make-up for sweetness and kindness. On my worst days, I can be sweet. That's my nature. Maybe that's not yours, but that's okay, there is something that you excel at.

So look into yourself and think of what people most like about you. Is it your humor? Is it your sincerity? Is it your spontanaity? Whatever it is, embrace that trait. By honoring the traits that god naturally gave you, you will find yourself more confident and happier with who you are. In turn, you become more beautiful.

Be Happier

In all honesty, I think the most beautiful thing on any person is their joy for life. The happier you are, the less you will think about what the world around you thinks. Few can attain the beauty that you find on billboards as shown above, but happiness is a possibility. In all honesty, I'm one of the happiest people I know. I enjoy life. I enjoy my family. I enjoy my friends. It helps I married the funniest man alive.

But I have a secret, I'm not naturally happy. When I was younger, my mom claims I would wake up with a smile on my face. It wasn't too far beyond puberty when that changed. In fact, I found myself stressed out a lot. If you would have asked me if I was happy back then, I'm not sure what answer I would have given you, but in truth I wasn't. I wasn't depressed by any means, in fact very few times in my life would I say I experienced true depression, but I wasn't happy. I was always stressed out. I always had to have this done, do this. By nature I'm still like that to a degree, but I remind myself, "It's no big deal." But even bigger than that, I ended up going to the doctor and telling him I was always anxious.

Medicinal Help: He did put me on an anti-depressant, and I discovered Celexa was the right one for me. I'm not saying it's my happy pill. But it helps me think more clearly. I can focus, and not worry so much. I'm not always thinking about what people think of me, or whether I screwed that up, or what if I forgot that. I am clear in mind.

But that got me only half way to true happiness. The rest is just mindset. I have to remind myself A LOT that things aren't that big of deal. Really they aren't. Most things anyway. I stained our carpet and we are trying to sell our place. Upsetting yes. Big deal, not in the grand scheme of things. And when I do think things are a big deal, I talk to my husband who teases me and makes me laugh, and my mom who will listen and sometimes make fun of me as well.

Laugh at Yourself, and Let Others Laugh at You Too:And truth is, I then see how silly and funny the circumstance is. My husband has probably been the sole person who has taught me to laugh. Here's an example. He is a neat freak. If he lived alone, the house would be sparkling all the time, the stapler would be exactly two quarters of an inch from the left hand side of the middle drawer in our desk, and there would be no art-work on our fridge. But he lives with me. So basically you have two polar opposites. Granted we have found a middle ground, but it angers him so much when the house is messy. The thing is, he never yells at me about it. Sometimes he'll ask me to clean it up, which means he's really upset. He asks in a civilized manner with complete respect of me. Other times he'll joke about it, "Whoa, hurricane Angie came through." Which I've seen some couples get into fights when the guy teases the girl like that. But, it's easier to laugh at it. It's true, I'm messy. I'm glad he's handling it this way not another way. By laughing about it rather than getting upset, we can stay peaceful. Grounds of mutual respect.

Laughing at myself is probably the number one way I do remain happy. For instance, I ran into the middle bar one day, and a guy was crossing by exactly at the time. I was mortified, but instead of getting flustered I just quickly said, "I have to do things like this to humble myself." He just laughed and warned me of the oncoming bar three feet ahead. Then of course the time I ran into a rack (yes aside from messy, I don't pay very much attention to wear I'm going, my husband thinks these are related). What was I saying, oh yes, one time I was with my parents and I ran into a rack. I had two options, awkwardly smile and pretend it didn't happen or gasp in a mock yell, "Why would they put this rack right where people are supposed to walk." I chose the latter. My parents knowing I was joking just laughed and laughed, but there was two people who were just absolutely appalled by my behavior. This only made us laugh harder.

Contentment: Now, I'm not saying I'm happy all the time. I get grumpy, just ask my husband and my mom. Two of the few people who see my not-so-happy self. But I am content with my life. I wish we lived in a house with a yard. I wish I could have children naturally. I wish I had cats that didn't poop. I wish many things. But the difference between me and someone who is not content; I am happy with what I have. I know that I can't change the circumstances now, but I can work on changing them in the future.

We're Not Alone

We have to remember that even if we don't feel beautiful, we feel insecure, we feel awkward, we're not alone. Even women who are sexual objects like Jennifer Love Hewitt are constantly being quoted saying they are insecure about their appearance, or the comparison to other women. Then there's one half of Speidi, Heidi Mongag who despite her naturally gorgeous unique appearance felt the need to look like every other beauty out there, losing some of her original appeal on the way.

Then there's magazines and articles always criticizing how this person has cellulite, this person looks fat, this person has had a major transformation from geek to sleek.Our society is obsessed with beauty. In Us Weekly, that I may or may not have a subscription to, is always showing the transformation of women. We see how beauties at twenty, have remained looking twenty even into their fifties. We see, how ugly ducklings look beautiful after they learn to do their hair and their make-up and yes lose a few pounds. The thing is these women have access to hair-stylists, make-up artists, plastic surgeons, photoshop gurus, etc.

When All Else Fails, Change Your Appearance

Now I'm not saying there is harm in always trying to look our best, it's natural. But we need to accept our bodies and our appearance with the way God made them. Stop putting ourselves down. Seriously, if you have not looked at the video, I strongly encourage you to do so. It shows how an average girl can look beautiful, and yet nothing like herself due to a few tricks of the trade. It shows you how many of these celebrities probably have yucky skin like mine, chubby faces, smaller eyes than they appear, but there is so much you can do with the right lighting, the right make-up, the right hair, the right photoshop feature.

Since we don't have a hair stylist, a make-up artist, someone to photoshop all of our pictures, we have to settle for ourselves. So wear your cutest outfits, put on make-up that makes you feel good. Because let's face it. We're girls. We can be content in our lives, we can be happy, we can laugh at ourselves, we can be confident, but there is something special about dolling ourselves up.

But more importantly, we need to stop comparing ourselves to those in magazines, on tv, on the big screen. We are not like them, and thank goodness we are not. But you know what, the actors playing the characters aren't even like them. They wake up with bad hair, smelly breath, and I bet they even fart in their sleep! We as a society need to learn to accept ourselves, and stop comparing ourselves to everyone else on this earth! Once we can accept ourselves, we'll find others do too.